I don’t know if this makes me a horrible person or … Just plainly low and evil. If there is any woman out there who’s having the same dilemma as me… if by any miracle there is one out there, I would really appreciate if you drop by and give an advice… If not, even the thought that someone out there knows how I feel is comfort enough.
At the moment, I’m dating a guy who’s two years older than me.. Seems like our relationship is getting serious — and thats the problem. He’s the loyal-stick-to-one type… I’m not. Well if you noticed from my previous entries, I’m somewhat short of time and I’m not really the type to invest in emotions that much. I just want to experience all the possible crazy things to experience the world has to offer.
Well, I’ve been dating around and somehow I ended up with the most decent guy I met in my life whom I thought whose kind is ancient and extinct … Apparently, there is still some of their kind left in the world aside from the ones who are fossil-fuel worthy and jurasic-ish old.
He’s good looking and he’s in a good shape since he’s been doing Judo for more than 10years now.. He doesnt seem to know that he’s goodlooking and that he’s worth more than what he thinks of himself. I think he has major self-esteem issues — since his brain cells think that he’s the worst looking guy on the planet.
He’s also not the typical good-looking-douchy-guy-who-has -a-brain-of-a-single-cell. No. He’s gorgeous (no shit) and he doesnt know it — which makes him even more attractive. I’m not bragging. I just have to state the fact to stress a point.
Well my point is, you’re supposed to be drawn to this kind of man… I mean, he is attractive and all .. Also I really like him cuz we get along really fine and he’s fun to be with… But when it comes to the erm… Sexual part… I just dont want him. Dont get me wrong, he’s got no problem with the size and performance (really? Do you really have to say that? *my other self* ) but… Whenever he would attempt, my brain goes haywire thinking about an exit plan. …
Whenever we do it, It gives me the feeling that I’m sleeping with a relative — its plain gross. I don’t really say anything since I know it would hurt him… Does that make me evil?
He doesnt know I’m dying too… Which makes it worse. Worse than drinking juice that’s made of dog poop.
I dont wanna prolong his agony anylonger. so I’ll break up with him. But I dont know what and how I should say it to him not hurting him or at least to make it less painful and bearable.
I thinks there’s something wrong with me… (aside from the fact that my time is almost up and that I’m partly crazy for blogging about my Dating diary).
Is it normal being in love and attracted to a guy but not want him physically?